"I'm not hiding anymore"

By Rob Bloomalt text

I stutter. I always have. In fact, I can remember being three years?ÿold and trying very hard to push out the word ƒ??d-d-daddy.ƒ??

When it became apparent that I was not going to ƒ??grow out of it,ƒ?? I?ÿdecided I would do whatever it took to keep my shameful stuttering a?ÿsecret from the world. And thus began a life of substituting words,?ÿavoiding sounds, and quite frankly, living in fear.

I hid my stuttering throughout college, often taking drastic means?ÿto do so ƒ?? from claiming to have laryngitis to giving a fake name?ÿwhen meeting new people. Sure, I was successful in lying to the worldƒ??but the truth was catching up with me: in the form of a stomach ulcer.

After graduation, I took a job writing for an advertising agency?ÿwhere I continued to portray the role of a fluent speaker on the?ÿoutside. But despite professional success and recognition, I could?ÿbarely look at myself in the mirror. When the economy slumped and my?ÿjob was eliminated, I had the opportunity to do a little soul-searching. It was then that I had a startling realization: I needed?ÿto stop hiding.

I forced myself to face my fears directly. One way I did this was to?ÿdo the very thing that scared me more than anything else: stuttering.?ÿI walked into situations and intentionally stuttered. Although?ÿagonizingly difficult at first, I slowly began to desensitize myself?ÿto the behavior. In addition, I joined Toastmasters where I willingly?ÿstood before a group of people and spoke. Did I stutter? Of course.?ÿBut I also proved to myself that I was much more than the behavior of?ÿstuttering and even came to realize that I actually enjoy public?ÿspeaking.

In opening up about stuttering, Iƒ??ve discovered the stigma and fears?ÿthat Iƒ??ve based my life around die a little bit more with each?ÿpassing day. Iƒ??ve also accepted the fact that, yes, I do stutter. I?ÿnow know that if I stutter, my arms arenƒ??t going to fall off and my?ÿhead isnƒ??t going to spin around. Iƒ??m just going toƒ??wellƒ??stutter. And?ÿwhile this may always be the case, I now realize that there are much?ÿmore important things to focus on.

Rob Bloom is a humor writer who has stuttered his entire life. In?ÿaddition to his humor column, Rob has written for the Cartoon?ÿNetwork, Travel Channel, and National Public Radio. You can read some?ÿof Rob's work at his Web site,?ÿ
www.robbloom.com.

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